jeliza

It used to be, when I was a bit more hale but still a massive procrastinator/artistically blocked that when I need to make a bunch of stock for an upcoming show I would do massive amounts of cleaning. That stopped, not only because of many fewer shows, but lacking the physical stamina for the endeavor (which also meant that the blocking piles of stuff that need to be cleared are even bigger.) 

I am still significantly lacking in stamina, but have hit a decent rhythm today of 5 minutes clearing, 15 minutes doing computer work (mostly low-brain effort things like testerup (my biggest source of clickywork/microwork? revenue this year, it is in fact stupidly easy and not actually proper user testing. Just ... getting paid to play mobile games I, at least, would have been playing anyway. Yes, that is a referral link, but I'm just sharing the love in general, not campaigning.)

I hadn't really grasped the psychic weight my piles of stuff was inflicting -- it certainly isn't gone, but looking around now I can literally feel like I can take bigger breaths and my shoulders have lowered a touch.

(Still haven't found my most critical painting supplies, though. Might be a different balance of boxes etc to paintings than I was aiming for at this rate, because they aren't trivially replaceable locally or quickly or inexpensively.

We've decided to start on the 12 days of yule kind of ... half-way. Because we aren't ready for Christmas even though it is the 24th, and while my paganism is distinctly half-assed, half assed is better than no assed. Or something.  

Today I had my first appointment with the strength-focused trainer i had bookmarked way back before I broke my ankle. I remembered more proper form than I expected, but the amount I could actually lift was as low as I suspected. It felt really good to start again, though my shoulders disagree. 

It was otherwise a fairly frustrating day -- everyone else has done kind of bug, and painting did not go well, so it was really nice to end with a confidence builder. 

I went to look for ways to treat myself -- a gold star equivalent -- for doing some ugly, yucky stuff, so I searched for "non-food rewards" because

1. I already know that chocolate and cheese exist.
2. After cleaning out truly stinky stuff I don't even want to think about food.

Even though I specifically did NOT take the drop down suggestion of "non-food rewards for weight loss" I got ... page after page after page of non-food rewards for weight loss.  Which I really do not want to look at right now, even if they might have good ideas, because I'm not particularly happy with my recovering body, and don't need further reminders that it is in a state society finds shameful  (Yes, I know that's 99% bullshit, but having the energy to remember that when I've not got energy to spare is just ugh.

I eventually used enough google-fu to find lists of "rewards that don't cost money" from the frugal lifestyle sites, which were slightly helpful and would be more helpful if it weren't a pandemic and if I were in better health, and some habit/organizing site lists that had things besides food. The "go to a drag show" suggestion made me both laugh and side-eye. But I really should not have had to come up additional queries to get them.

I keep having periods where I am both tired (my current default state) and twitchy, getting up for a minute and then sitting back down every 5 minutes. Today I decided to actually follow advice and go for a walk. Just around the block, and it was hard, but an hour later I’m less twitchy but not more tired, so I guess that should become a thing.

Dan turns 15 this week and I’m having a lot of trouble wrapping my mind around it. Olivia Is turning 17 in September which is kind of worse. Just. Wow.

The big lumpy dressing came off today, which should make it easier to sleep (the operation was on the side I sleep on, because of course it was.) I have switched to ibuprofen because it works better than goddamn tylenol and so far about as well as oxycodone. The incision looks pretty gnarly, but I've no idea how much of it will turn into a scar and given the location I don't know that I'll care too much.

By this time tomorrow I should be home from surgery and lump-less. I am so very excited for this bit to be over. Once that's done, then there is a couple of weeks waiting for test results to come back to see what the next steps are. 

Every two hours I get worried I read the "what you can eat the day before" instructions wrong and re-check.

I can't tell if I suddenly hate most of my winter clothes because my style has changed, or if it's that I'm just not happy with the body underneath.

I do still like my skinny jeans, so that implies at least a little of column A. But I don't know how much. 

I have owned most of these sweaters for more than 5, often more than 10 years, though.

I spent basically all of memorial day weekend in bed sick, which is just ... great. I can get up and walk around today, but am tiring really, really quickly, and unfortunately, there was a lot that needed to get done this weekend and some of it can't be put off any longer, which is to say, two customer orders, one of which is a multi-hour album assembly, and getting ready for my show this weekend.  I was gonna debut some new stuff at Oddmall (I got hair comb settings and the cabinet pulls are not that far from completion as are the clipboards) but now ... not so much.

Iko's first obedience class apparently went really well, but given that I was on gatorade and nap duty, S and D took him. I read a whole lot of fanfiction which the lights low, including an epic Age of Ultron fix-fic that would have been SO MUCH BETTER than what they filmed. So. Much. Better. 

I kind of want them to recast Hawkeye and do a solo film/series prequel based on Matt Fraction's run in the comics now. (With his goddamn hearing aids in, thank you very much.)

Bleah.

 I just picked up my car from the mechanic and it drives like it's new again. I guess the clutch had been slowly declining for a long time.

I took the dog for a walk this morning so he would be a little less amped. Eventually - as in after we had been home for 15 minutes -- he got less amped.  Hauling around 20 pounds of jumpy puppy is challenging, but getting less so.  I'm definitely sticking with the ankle brace while doing so for a while, even though I'm not using the brace for much else at this point.  Being able to walk normally again is just really, really exciting.

The Make Sale was a massive fail; they definitely had not yet built the audience to add a Spring Show. Add in horrible weather, and well, there just weren't very many people. I made back table, gas, and a little bit of materials, which was better than most of the other vendors I talked to but .. no. Not here for losing money, and spending 16 hours in a cold, drafty building to do it. I am exceedingly stiff and sore today as a result.

My next 3 shows are all unknowns, as well, though more likely to be good matches - May the 4th is a brand new thing, Oddmall I've been away from for a few years and has changed location significantly, and SummerCon is a radical expansion of the (very well run) Toy Expo. And then nothing until my fave Pancakes and Booze in September; hopefully I will get into GeekGirlCon and GeekCraftExpo, but I won't know that for a while.

I really need to figure out the online thing.  And the selling to stores thing. And factor the day of recovery for my middle-aged bod into the cost of any new show I am considering.

Apropos of nothing, Spotify threw this at me on an electroswing-inspired playlist and it pleases me: